Will Glenn Beck Need Rehab for Cheetos Addiction?

 In Entertainment, Politics, Satire

The first step toward recovery, no matter what the addiction, is admitting you have a problem. In no way downplaying the seriousness of real addiction, Glenn Beck has finally reached rock bottom and agreed to seek professional help for his out-of-control Cheetos habit.

Glenn Beck – is he losing it?

Smearing Cheetos

Beck’s admission came just after releasing the video below of himself diving face first into a big bowl of ground up Cheetos, wearing goggles, rubbing his face in and snorting Cheetos dust. His face, immediately after his hit, shows that he was possibly high on the orange stuff.

Maybe Beck was using the stunt to boost ratings for his show, but all who have seen the video agree it was a cry for help.

On the eve of the all-important Indiana primary for his friend and presidential candidate, Ted Cruz, Beck has called for a 24 hour fast in support of Cruz. His family is very concerned about his behavior.

Glenn’s wife said the fast could be dangerous:

“I recently became aware of Glenn’s Cheetos problem. And I’m worried that just stopping his Cheetos habit cold turkey for this fast for Ted may be too much for his system. I’m trying to put together a chip intervention as we speak.”

How did it come to this for Beck?

Glenn broke down in orange tears as he described his 10 bag a day habit and his journey to becoming a full blown addict. “I started out binging on powdered Funyuns. I consider Funyuns the gateway snack that lead to my snorting other snacks.”

“After a while though, I wasn’t feeling the same effect from Funyuns, and that lead me to Sun ChipsFritosCheez-Its, and finally the hardcore Cheetos. In fact, it was after snorting a bag full of crushed Flamin’ Hot Cheetos one night that I got the idea for my media empire, The Blaze.”

Trying to look like Trump?

Beck hid his addiction from family and colleagues for years but, after seeing that nobody was buying his excuse of using the orange crack to try to look like Donald Trump and his orange tan, the jig was up.

Beck will be checking into Betty Ford’s Frito Lay Clinic in Scottsdale, Arizona where he will go through a snack detox program. Chester Cheetah, director of the clinic, said the powdered cheese on Cheetos can take up to a week to get completely flushed out of the bloodstream. Chester may not be the best counselor, but he understands “It ain’t easy being cheesy.”

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