Washington Man Fails Naked-Driving-Sex Trifecta Attempt

 In Breaking News, Domestic

It goes without saying that most Americans only dream of pulling off the daring “naked-driving-sex” trifecta that a Washington State couple attempted just before Thanksgiving this week. Sadly, the couple crashed into a tree when the man (naked and driving and having sex), who managed to successfully negotiate the woman’s curves, failed to negotiate a curve in the road.

The woman, who was naked and having sex, was not driving, and so was ineligible to achieve the trifecta herself. However, she did nab a 2017 Worst Mother of the Year nomination. Her 3-month-old daughter was strapped in a car seat in the backseat during the trifecta attempt. Fortunately, the child was uninjured in the crash.

Never drink and drive…

Both adult idiots were legally drunk, and the driver, Michael Tonkin, 23, will be facing his 4th DUI conviction after the incident. He is also being charged with vehicular assault and child endangerment.

trifecta

Daisy Laroque was Tonkin’s partner in the attempt – which means he was literally “driving Miss Daisy” when he lost control of the car. He suffered a broken wrist in the crash and will have to use his other hand for a while.

According to a University of South Dakota survey of college students:

33% of men and 9% of women have engaged in sexual activity while driving. None of the students surveyed had crashed their cars as a result.

In a sweet twist of irony, Laroque suffered a broken pelvis in the crash, so at least she will not be able to procreate any time soon. Police have not announced any charges against Daisy, who is still hospitalized at this point.

While a bystander told police that the naked adults were attempting to find their clothes and get dressed quickly when police arrived, there has been no confirmation to the rumor that Dean Martin’s song that goes “Let me tell you ’bout the birds and the bees, and the cars hittin’ trees…” was playing on the radio at the time of the accident.

 

 

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