Putin Assumes Control in Middle East But Obama Takes Better Selfies

 In Satire

Russian President Putin has launched airstrikes in Syria, effectively neutering President Obama and his weak Middle East policy. While Mr. Obama’s policy has been to destroy the part of ISIS that is neither Islamic nor extremist by playing tiddlywinks, Putin is using firepower, kicking ass and taking names.


Obama’s selfie- photo via Buzzfeed

Who’s the selfie king?

It would appear that the Russian leader has seized upon Obama’s inability to act to gain control of the situation in the Middle East. However, for all the bravado Mr. Putin is showing by flexing his muscles in Syria, all parties concede, “President Obama takes better selfies.” Sure, he can’t lead, show force, or put a scare into anybody, but he’s a master with the selfie stick.

Russian diplomats concede that Mr. Putin usually has someone else take pictures of him to show the world. “Who does that anymore?!” asked a laughing White House spokesman Josh Earnest at a press briefing today. “Walk tall and carry a selfie stick,” Earnest said, “Just like Roosevelt said. That’s the president’s creed.”

Earnest continued, “I probably don’t need to remind you all of the words from Billy Crystal’s character, Fernando Lamas, from Saturday Night Live, “It’s better to look good than to lead good.”

The Mom Jeans and Helmet

Josh told reporters that President Obama practices taking selfies for hours each day and his technique is impeccable, his framing of each image….exquisite. It’s like the selfie stick is an extension of his own body. A proud Josh then said, “Putin may have wrestled control of the Middle East away from us, but he can’t take a selfie for sh*t!”

The Russian president is a narcissist to be sure, but President Obama is operating on a whole other level of self-love. For years, the world has seen pictures of Putin with wild animals, on horseback, and in other adventurous settings. President Obama commands respect by riding a bike in his mom jeans with a helmet.

The best photo op

It’s too early to tell how this shift in power will affect the turmoil in the region but, for now, Americans will have to rely on the inferior pictures they can get of the conflict from the Russians. And while Americans might be embarrassed that Putin has stepped in and filled the leadership vacuum in the Middle East, we can stand proud knowing that our president would be there too if he thought it would make a good photo op.

The Middle East might be on fire and Iran close to getting nukes but, damn, Obama sure does think he looks good – he’ll tell you so himself.

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