Poor ‘Clock Boy’ Ahmed Traumatized by Celebrity and Free Travel

 In Satire

The delicate snowflake who has gained fame simply be being arrested for building a bomb-looking device, and known worldwide as “Clock Boy,” is under duress according to his family, and is being traumatized by all of the love and admiration he is being forced to receive from the PC crowd. Ahmed is also having to endure being given thousands of dollars of free merchandise from Microsoft and other companies.

The inventor

Dubbed “Ahmed Kardashian” in the inventing world, the teenager from Texas got the nickname because never in modern history has an “inventor” received so much fame from doing so little. His family says he is under so much strain that he almost can’t stop smiling from all the attention he has received from the president, celebrities, even world leaders from overseas.


Ahmed Mohamed appears to be enjoying his traumatic experience

During his captivity in the public spotlight, Ahmed has been forced to appear on numerous national TV shows, conducted numerous radio interviews, and, most recently, met the Prime Minister of Turkey at the UN building in New York. He visited Google, Comedy Central, and Dr. Oz before travelling to the United Nations – just like ALL school children do after completing a crappy science project. Doctors are not sure how much more abuse the young wonder kid can take.

The parents

His family is enjoying his new found fame and all the spoils that come with it, while still being a**holes for refusing to sign release forms that would allow the school where Ahmed was arrested to tell their side of the story. Sorry, the family is busy having too much fun to be bothered by information that might not be favorable to the traumatized boy’s public image.

Racist Texans

In interviews he has done so far, Ahmed has made a point of letting everyone know how racist he thinks Texas is. He plans to spread that word wherever his world travels take him in an effort to somehow reach closure from this brutal chapter of his young life.

Where’s the new shirt?

With all the freebies this kid is getting, it’s amazing no one has given him a new shirt to replace the ratty NASA t-shirt he has been wearing constantly since his arrest. Maybe NASA is sponsoring his travels or something, but not since Beavis and Butthead has a kid worn the same shirt every day for so long.

So far, there has been no word on whether any of the classmates of Clock Boy were traumatized by thinking his careless act might be a bomb. Who cares about them?! They’re probably not even Muslim, otherwise, they’d be flying the friendly skies right now.

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