Hillary Clinton and the Vanishing School Children

 In Satire

Hillary Clinton recently visited a group of gifted school children, an event the school now refers to as “The Vanishing.” Mrs. Clinton sat in a classroom with the kids and asked if they had any questions.

A little boy named Kenneth asked Hillary what happened in Benghazi, how could she be president if she can’t even handle two email accounts, and what happened to the $6 billion missing from the State Dept. during her time there.

Just then, the recess bell rang. “Sorry, kids, but we’ll have to continue this after recess,” Hillary said, looking relieved. When the boys and girls returned to the classroom, she asked who else had questions.

A boy named Johnny asked, “So, what’s up with Benghazi, you being tech-challenged, and the missing 6 large ones? Also, why did the recess bell ring 20 minutes early, and where is Kenneth?”

“Oh my God! They killed Kenny!” one little girl screamed. Hillary cackled, then tried to assure the kids there must be a logical explanation for Kenneth’s vanishing after recess.


The mood in the room turned cold as all of the children scooted away from little Johnny. Johnny started sweating, and he felt the fear of a marked man. Just then, a Secret Service man with dark glasses came to the door and said Johnny was needed at the principal’s office. He said he would escort Johnny.

This bitch is whack!

Suddenly, a little girl named Jill spoke up. “This is bullshit! My daddy says you’re as crooked as they come, you can’t take the blame for anything, and all you do is lie about everything!”

Hillary answered, “Well, I’m sorry your daddy feels that way. By the way, what’s your address, honey?”

The children continued peppering Mrs. Clinton with questions:

Can you teach us how to make $300 million while on a $150,000 government salary? Did you ride dinosaurs when you were our age? Did you just fart? Does it bother you that nobody likes you? Are you as close to death as you look? Why does your husband look like a zombie? What did you do with our classmates?

For each question, Hillary blamed the accusations on a right-wing conspiracy. Finally, she told the kids she appreciated their questions, but she had to go. She told them she was sure their friends would turn up soon.

vanishing kids

Over the next two days, the collateral damage from Hillary’s visit continued to pile up:

  • Little Jill was run off the trail on her Big Wheel and into a pond. She’s alright, but her dad is now under audit from the IRS.
  • Johnny was put in the student protection plan and now lives as a third grade girl named Bethany – at an undisclosed elementary school.
  • Three kids in the class, and their families, moved out of the country overnight, continuing the vanishing.
  • Four other children were hospitalized after possible juice-box poisonings.
  • All remaining kids in the class had their “gifted” status mysteriously revoked.
  • Kenny’s whereabouts remain a mystery.
  • Daniel Zakaluzny

    Good stuff.

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