Drinking Camel Urine as Cancer Cure Has Yet to Catch on in America

 In Foreign, Satire, World

According to the Middle East Media Research Institute (MEMRI), Muslims in Morocco are consuming camel urine as a cure-all against cancer, abdominal pain, and other ailments. Most of you probably consume some kind of animal urine when you or a loved one is ill, right? But camel urine?

Reportedly, Muslims in Morocco have consumed from a quarter of a liter to a full liter of warmed up camel urine when sick, and some even claim it made their cancer go away. Generally, they recommend taking a tablespoon or two to help fight disease.

camel urine

Unfortunately, doctors in the Middle East say something about the practice smells funny. Moroccan oncologists say the human body is not meant to drink urine, and that 99% of the substances contained in urine are harmful to most humans.

One oncologist called the treatment pure quackery:

“This is nonsense. There is no medical research to back up these assumptions. Curing cancer is not a pissing contest! All I see here is a steady stream of misinformation. These people are crazy.”

A man who swears by the method says the cure comes from the Prophet Muhammad himself, who commanded followers to drink camel milk and urine when they were sick. And yes, it’s difficult to argue with a camel herder who stores camel urine in reused pickle jars.

But scientists remain unsold on the treatment. “Camel whiz is no more a cure for cancer than Cheese Whiz,” said one doctor. “I’d be a rich man if I could sell my number ones as a remedy for illnesses. However, if I ever decide to do that, I now know I can go to Morocco for my first customers.”

Another oncologist was alarmed at the report, saying, “Good Lord, I mean Allah, these people will believe anything! I suppose if I told them that using camel dung as a pillow would alleviate neck pain and headaches they would believe me? Now, if you’ll excuse me, all this talk about urine has made me have to go. I must make pee pee now.”

Pass the Tic-Tacs…

The owner of the camels – whose breath smells like a toilet, by the way – says he keeps the herd close to a nearby creek, since the sound of running water makes the camels want to drain the lizard more often.

He said the urine is highly valued in his village. “Our camel’s urine has a smoky but bitter taste, good amber color, and an aftertaste that stays with you long after the illness is gone.”

However, being temperamental animals, the camels don’t seem to appreciate the practice. Most of them were pissed about constantly being followed around by people with empty bottles and jars.

“It’s humiliating and disgusting,” said one well-spoken camel. “You don’t see us drinking human urine. There’s something radically wrong with these people.”


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