The Creation Story

 In religion, Satire

In the beginning was the word, and the word was God. In the beginning
was God and all else was darkness and void, and without form, so God
created the heavens and the earth. He created the sun and the moon,
and the stars, so that light might pierce the darkness. The Earth, God
divided between the land and the sea and these He filled with many
wonderful creatures.

And the dark, salty, slimy creatures that inhabited the murky depths
of the oceans, God called sailors. And he dressed them accordingly.
They had little trousers that looked like bells at the bottom. And
their shirts had cute little flaps on them, and they wore funny
looking hats. He gave them long sideburns and beards, nicknamed them
“squids”, and banished them to a lifetime at sea, so normal folks
would not have to associate with them. To further identify these
unloved creatures, He called them “petty” and “commodore” instead of
titles worthy of red-blooded men.


And the flaky creatures of the land, God called soldiers. And with a
twinkle in His eye, and a sense of humor only He can have, God made
their trousers too short and their covers too large. He also made
their pockets over-sized, so that they may warm their hands. And to
adorn their uniforms, God gave them badges in quantities only a dime
store owner could appreciate. And he gave them emblems and crests and
all sorts of shiny things that glittered, and devices that dangled.
(When you are God you tend to get carried away.)


On the 6th day, God thought about creating some air creatures for
which he designed a Greyhound bus driver’s uniform. He discarded this
idea during the first week, and it was not until years later that some
apostles resurrected this theme and established what we now know as
the “wild blue yonder wonders.”


And on the 7th day, as you know, God rested. But on the 8th day, at
0530, God looked down upon Earth and was not happy. God was just not
happy! So He thought about His labors, and in His divine wisdom, God
created a divine creature. And this He called Marine. And the Marines,
whom God created in His own image, were to be of the air, and of the
land, and of the sea. And these He gave wonderful uniforms, some
were green, and some were blue with red trim.

And in the early days, some were even a beautiful tan. He gave them practical fighting uniforms, so they could wage war against the forces of Satan and the evil. He gave them service uniforms for their daily work and training.

And He gave them evening and dress uniforms… and stylish,
handsome things, so they may promenade with their ladies on Saturday
night and impress everybody. He also gave them swords, so that people
who were not impressed could be dealt with accordingly. And to cut the birthday cake. Because everyone should have a sword to cut a birthday cake.

Gen. James F. Amos

And at the end of the 8th day, God looked down upon the Earth and saw
that it was good. But was God happy? No! God was still not happy.
Because in the course of his labors, He had forgotten one thing. He
did not have a Marine uniform for himself. But He thought about it,
and thought about it, and finally satisfied Himself in knowing that,
well…………………..not everybody can be a MARINE!!!

Showing 4 comments
  • BobD.


  • Jimmy Thompson

    Not much to say, is there?
    I hope and pray that all is well with you and that everything is better for you.
    Are you still in the PI?

  • Denise Ledford

    This is awesome! Love your sharp wit and sense of humor!

  • Michael Andrew

    Out-Freakin-Standing !!!

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